Act Three: The Saga Continues!
As the princess and her party traveled to the next village, which was far, far away, she received an impromptu haircut from the sword wielding peasant, who hacked it off to her shoulders. “Oh thank you!” the princess exclaimed happily, “all of those woodland animals living in my hair was really beginning to hurt my scalp! It was like being back in the Shining Castle and having my mother dragging me up and down the stairs by it all over again!” The sword wielding peasant looked horrified. “Why did she do that?” The princess was suddenly confused. “I’m not certain. I’ll have to ask her when I go home. By the way, you are really good with your sword. The way you chopped my hair without accidentally cutting my ears off, and the way you threatened that poor old woman who wasn’t armed. That was so macho!” The peasant puffed up with manly pride, “I told you I was good.” “Why don’t you put that thing down and hold me?” the princess asked. “Because I can’t. I’ve carried it so long that I can’t let go of it anymore. It makes for a real pain when I’m eating, or trying to take baths. So I gave them up.”
Just then they came to a fork in the road. Sven picked it up and put it in his pocket. (No one knew that Sven was secretly a kleptomaniac. He already had all of their money and jewelry in his pockets.) The princess stood beside the sword wielding peasant in confusion, looking both ways. “Which way shall we go?” she asked. One way was cheerful and happy, with a shining sun and green fields where doves flew and fruit trees bloomed. The other way was barren and dead, with bent trees and scorched grass, and a riverbed that had dried up, revealing the bones of former travelers at the bottom. “I’m not sure,” the sword wielding peasant answered. “I don’t remember how to get to Happily Ever After any more. Too bad there isn’t someone we might ask.”
Just then they heard, “There is someone.” They looked both ways again and saw no one. They looked back at Sven, but he was busy stealing cookies from a troop of passing girl scouts. “Who said that?” the princess demanded. “I’ll know who’s speaking to the princess of Shining Castle!” Then they saw a scarecrow on a pole at the divide of the road. “I said that,” he told them. “Would you do me a favor and let me down?” he asked. “I got stuck here by my fellow fraternity members, who thought it would be funny to hang me here and dress me like a scarecrow.” The sword wielding peasant raised his sword up. “I think the scarecrow is talking to us,” he said. The princess looked angrily at him. “Scarecrows can’t speak. Now where are you, stranger? Why do you throw your voice like that? Although I must admit I’m rather impressed by it.” The scarecrow sighed. “I spoke! I’m stuck here! Will you let me down?” The princess shook her head. “If you won’t answer, then I’m afraid we must leave. Come Sven! We’re going to travel down the really dark and scary road.”
Just then the royal guard arrived. They all drew their swords and surrounded the three of them. (Sven had already stolen one of their swords.) “You knave! Release the princess to us or we’ll beat you up!” they declared. The sword wielding peasant bravely stepped forward. “I confess: Sven here kidnapped her and made me carry his weapon for him. He’s a criminal mastermind and you must arrest him at once!” So they did, and they rode down the highway with Sven, completely forgetting why they had come to begin with. “Quickly, while they’re harming our innocent traveling companion, let’s get out of here!” the sword wielding peasant stated. “That was very brave of you to squeal on Sven like a little girl,” the princess admitted, and the peasant blushed. “Now, let us follow the yellow block road to Happily Ever After!” And so they linked arms and skipped away, singing out of tune. The scarecrow/fraternity brother looked after them and sighed again. “Will someone let me down from here? I have to pee!” To be continued…?
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