Act Two: The Sequel
As the royal guard went galloping out of the Shining Castle the princess was busy looking for work still. She had the distinct impression that no one would hire her at the village, so she was forced to move on to another village, aptly named Next Village. Next Village was a prosperous place that was filled with happy people, but they were plagued by the evil queen of Castle Neverknow, and lived in fear of when she came to their village.
Now it happened to be that the princess and Queen Neverknow came to Next Village at the same time. The princess was covered in mud still, and her long, long hair had been dragging in the dirt since the last village, so small woodland animals began to nest in it, since all woodland animals loved princesses, no matter what princess it was. It was very heavy to drag with, so she was tired and irritated by the time she entered the village and found Queen Neverknow harassing old people and stealing children’s shoes. Irate, the princess stormed over to the evil queen, woodland animals and all, and demanded to know what she was doing. The queen took one look at her and huffed, “Who are you to demand to know what I’m doing?” The princess said, “I am the princess of the Shining Castle, and these are my people!” the queen looked horrified. “Look at you! The rumors about your parents being broke to pay their light bill must be true. They can’t even afford clean clothes or bath water for you! You aren’t even worth kidnapping for ransom! I’m sure the electric company has already thought of that, anyhow.”
The princess sneered at the evil queen. “What is your name, if you don’t mind?” The queen told her, “I am the queen of Castle Neverknow.” And when she said it lightning forked in the sky, and small animals scampered off in terror, including the ones that had been nesting in the princess’s hair, to which she was grateful. “Why is your castle named Neverknow?” she inquired. “Because you’ll never know! Wa ha ha ha ha!” The queen threw back her head in laughter for many, many minutes, as if expecting the scene to fade to black before she was finished. When it did not, she looked around in mild confusion and shrugged her shoulders. The princess, who had been patiently waiting for the queen to finish her evil laughter, folded her arms across her chest and said, “That was stupid. Did you ever finish high school?” The evil queen squealed in anger. “How dare you accuse me of not graduating high school! I received a diploma and it was a happy day for me, long before you were ever born! Why, I was the girl with perfect attendance! I suppose you finished high school?” The princess scoffed. “I went to Harvard, I’ll have you know.” The evil queen’s eyes lit up, and she rubbed her hands together. “Perhaps you are worth ransoming, after all!”
The princess became suddenly afraid and backed away from the evil queen, who was ready to seize her. All at once, a handsome young man leapt between them, sword drawn. “Stand away, Queen Neverknow!” he declared, “I have been training with this sword since I was three years old, and have never had a job or a girlfriend, so I am very dangerous with it, believe me!” The evil queen stepped back. “Why are you interfering, peasant?” The young man scratched his head as he tried to puzzle out the answer. “I’m not certain,” he said at last, “but like small woodland animals that love princesses, I am the obligatory handsome, sword wielding young man that is here to rescue her in the nick of time, so we may elope, and have many, many children.”
“You have won this time, fools, but I will return, and I will bring the magical mice that you set free princess, for they wish revenge on you now! Wa ha ha ha ha!” With that the evil queen vanished, literally, and everyone was safe. “You’re my hero,” the princess told the young man as she stared into his eyes. “Where shall we go now?” “The land of Happily Ever After,” he replied. “That is where I must take you now. You will be happy, and your parent’s light bill will be paid for. But we must make haste before the royal guards or Queen Neverknow return to thwart us.” And so they went, the young man, the princess, her animal friends, and some mute guy named Sven that just followed after them for some reason. To be continued…?
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